Who you calling incompatible?

Compatible   /kəmˈpatəbəl/

adjective : a state in which two things are able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict.

I asked my husband once if he wanted to create fake eHarmony profiles to see how compatible we are. I thought it would be fun. He hated the idea. My guess is, we wouldn’t be compatible based on eHarmony’s criteria and to be honest, I didn’t need to take a test to know that.  Days after we were married, I was told by one of his longtime friends that they didn’t know how we even made it down the aisle, given how different the two of us were. (Well yeah, apparently we have totally different taste in friends.) This person wasn’t that far off though, my husband and I are polar opposites. We aren’t from Mars and Venus, we are from different galaxies and possibly different solar systems.

One of us is pragmatic. The other is an idealist. One is detail-oriented. The other looks at the big picture. One has a sweet-tooth. The other has a more defined palette that prefers a variety of well-prepared and creative dishes. One can hold a grudge. The other lets offenses roll off like water off a ducks back. One speaks directly. The other likes to use clichés, spout trivia and go on and on long after the other one is listening. Both are stubborn, thick-headed, tenacious.

Well, you get my point. We are different in almost every way. Almost as different as a human female and a cartoon feline but they seemed to make it work. Do our differences doom us?

My husband’s friend would say yes. The internet dating site would warn us not to even bother going on that first date. Thankfully though, we did. We got through the first of many dates and found that we were actually intrigued by the other person’s differences. Seven years into our marriage, we find that each other’s differences provide much-needed balance to the other person.

We aren’t waging the battle of the sexes because we realize how much we need the other person. Why would I destroy someone who is on the same team as me? We fuss, argue and have stupid, pointless disagreements, but even in the midst of these communication challenges, misunderstandings and taste differences, we still have a deep commitment to each other. There were times when we brought out the worst in each other, but with time, we’re becoming better at bringing out the  best because we genuinely desire the best for the other person. We are committed to the other’s success, growth and self-actualization. We laugh a lot, eat a lot of candy (that’s our code word when the kids start to suspect things) and have silly fun together (though we both agree we could use a lot more of this). In answer to Tina Turner’s question, Love has a lot to do with it.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

As for questions of compatibility and whether opposites attract, I wouldn’t consider us opposites. I prefer to call us composites. We bring our different elements to make a beautiful, interesting relationship that is uniquely our own. However this looks in its execution is not important as long as we are going in the same direction, speaking the same language and remain deeply in love with each other.  That seems like compatibility to me.


8 thoughts on “Who you calling incompatible?

  1. Pingback: Ghost Forest | litadoolan

    • Thank you! I think this comes from having grown up in Canada. We really embrace the idea of the mosaic where everyone’s unique flavors, styles and personalities are celebrated to enhance the overall relationship.

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